Top 10 Best Worst Films Ever Made
Good films, by definition, do provide vast amounts of entertainment. But sometimes, just sometimes, all we want to do is switch off our critical brain and bathe in the ridiculousness of some utter trash. So to celebrate the release of John Wick: Chapter 2 – the first film of which definitely falls into the ‘Ridiculous-Yet-Completely-Brilliant’ category – we thought we’d give you a rundown of our favourite best worst films.
The great thing about good bad movies is there’s no formula. Unlike well-made and well-acted films, there’s not a list of qualities which all great shit flicks share; it could well be the acting that sets it apart as a bottom feeder, but it could just as well be the outrageousness of the plot. Whatever the reason for enjoying a rubbish film, we love the sub-genre. So without further ado, here’s what we think are the most entertainingly bad films ever made. Enjoy! (Or don’t. That’s the point.)
10) Crank: High Voltage (2009)
Jason Statham is quickly becoming the modern day king of brilliant rubbish films, and we think his best to date is the second instalment of Crank: High Voltage. Taking the action of the first one to even stupider lows, Crank 2 follows the story of Chev Chelios (Statham). After surviving an incredible plunge to near-certain death, Chev is naturally abducted by Chinese mobsters. He wakes up to find that his nearly indestructible heart has been replaced with a battery-operated device that requires regular jolts of electricity or it will fail. It’s one of the most over-the-top films we’ve ever seen but it’s also carried out with such conviction, you can’t help but love it.
9) Sharknado (2013)
The film which somehow started a franchise. The plot – there is a loose one – sees a freak waterspout lift sharks out of the ocean and drop them into LA with devastating consequences. It’s got Tara Reid in it and everyone loses an arm at some point. That’s all you need to know.
8) Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
While some films don’t know how badly they’re going to come across, Birdemic: Shock and Terror must have known exactly what it was up to, and boy did they deliver. The special effects are some of the worst you’ll ever see and James Nguyen’s awkward shaky cam and clunky transitions are just perfect.
7) Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
Nic Cage has long been one of our favourite bad good actors and we think his finest moment came in 1989’s Vampire’s Kiss. The basic premise is fantastic enough telling a story of a mentally-ill literary agent whose condition takes a plummet when he thinks that he’s been bitten by a vampire. We could have chosen a million clips from this film with scenes involving Cage listing the alphabet, him walking around in traffic with the helplessness of a melodramatic five year old, or even the best crying sequence in cinema history. Instead, we decided you should just watch the highlights in the clip below.
6) Bloodsport (1989)
Van Damme was always going to make our list somewhere and we’ve always had a soft spot for Bloodsport. The martial arts are naturally badass, but there is a perfectly pointless plot going on too. When he was a younger man, Frank Dux (Van Damme) and a few of his pals got caught breaking and entering Senzo Tanaka’s (Roy Chiao) home. Owning up like a real man, Senzo is impressed with Jean-Claude’s honestly and trains him in the ways of the ninjutsu – not a made up thing. Now all grown up and in the army, Dux returns to training with Senzo to take the place of his deceased son Shingo in an illegal martial-arts tournament in Hong Kong where fights to the death aren’t uncommon… Oooooooooh snap! The film makes our list for the training montage alone…
5) Batman & Robin (1997)
OK. Controversial. We know. But if you take away the adoration and protection you have for the comics, Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin doesn’t need to be an eyesore of a film. In fact, it can be the diamond in the rough. The acting and dialogue is objectively HILARIOUS and we won’t be told this isn’t one of Schwarzenegger’s greatest moments as fun-punning Mr. Freeze. Yes, George Clooney’s batsuit comes with accentuating nipples but Uma Thurman looks great as Poison Ivy. The only thing we can’t defend is Chris O’Donnell’s relentless whining as Robin – but it is in a crap list for a reason.
4) Under Siege (1992)
Much like Van Damme, Steven Seagal had to make the cut somewhere, and what better Seagal film is there than the tale of nuclear terrorists posing as a rock band at sea? Yes, it’s Under Siege. The USS Missouri is taken over while en route to Pearl Harbor. The baddies – headed by Tommy Lee Jones and the always shit Gary Busey – plan to steal the ship’s nuclear arsenal. But they didn’t account for the ship’s Head Chef, did they!?
3) Demolition Man (1993)
The year is 1996 and Wesley Snipes is cryogenically frozen because he love violence and chaos and kidnapping people. He’s like the worst villain of all time, so obviously, freeze him. Sly Stallone is a badass cop and actually a good dude to boot but he did something silly or whatever so is frozen as well. The year is now 2032 and guess what? The world is different. You don’t have toilet paper or sex even. Instead you have loads of VR dirty time with Sandra Bullock. Whaaaaat? There’s no crime either. BUT WAIT. Snipes is unfrozen for a parole hearing and somehow escapes, so they get Stallone unthawed too to save the day. BOSH.
2) Troll 2 (1990)
Troll 2 is a film so badly brilliant, it’s even earned its own documentary aptly titled ‘Best Worst Movie’. Fun Fact: Troll 2 features no trolls. Instead the masterpiece focuses on a family of four who take a vacation to a town which spells ‘Goblin’ backwards, Nilbog. But will they get out alive? There’s plenty to love about Troll 2 – the amateurish actings, the 80s score, the awful effects. But really this film is summed up by its memorable sex scene where a Joe and a Jane begin love making thanks to a corn-on-the-cob aided seduction. The corn literally begins to pop at the height of their passion. Sensational.
1) The Room (2003)
Since its release in 2003, The Room has become a cult classic like no other with regular screenings around the world, often attended by its writer/director/star/all-round main man Tommy Wiseau. Wiseau, whose accent is completely unidentifiable, plays a man betrayed by his fiancé and best friend. The Room is a genuinely amazing achievement with every single aspect of the film — from the dialogue to the cinematography to the set design — impossibly awful. The inconsistencies are glaring, the acting is painful and the sex scenes are as awkward as it gets. But that’s exactly what makes The Room the single most entertaining bad film ever created. Tommy Wiseau, we are not worthy.