Top 5 Worst Ever Film Remakes
OK, so we haven’t seen the new Ghostbusters film yet. Which means, yes, this whole feature may be a little unfair and we should say that it might be the greatest film of 2016… BUT, if early trailers and reviews are anything to go by, the new Ghostbusters remake isn’t getting a whole lot of love.
Which got us talking at Average Joes HQ as to what actually is the worst ever remake in the history of Hollywood? All factors need to be a mess for a giant pile of tomatoes to come together but we think we’ve nailed some real stinkers. So without further ado, here are our Top 5 worst ever film remakes.
5) The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
“If only Keanu Reeves would come from a planet far away and save Earth from ruining iconic films,” is what you’ll be thinking throughout this 2008 remake of the 1951 classic. Touching masterpieces is always a sure way to put you in the firing line when it comes to ‘worst remake’ list, so you better be damn sure you do the job properly.
While the original is undoubtedly a sci-fi masterclass with a subtext of Cold War anxiety played out throughout, the 2008 version has a convoluted plot/message and even lacks the production design of the original with some truly awful computer generated effects. No, thank you.
4) Planet of the Apes (2001)
While it might put you in the firing line, we’re not actually against remaking classics from a bygone era. In fact, with films that were originally made in black & white or before special effects really came into their own, we can see the appeal. Which is why we had high hopes for Mark ‘Marky Mark’ Wahlberg’s attempt at updated the 1968 version of Planet of the Apes back in 2001.
Unfortunately, barring the design and make-up effects, our high hopes weren’t especially realised. Tim Burton’s direction is always a little hit and miss, and the script was quite frankly awful. But the biggest criticism we can give was that the 2001 Planet was far too faithful, so much so that you may as well just watch the original.
3) The Karate Kid (2010)
Having said we’re not against remakes per se, there are some films we don’t think Hollywood should be touching with their grubby money mitts. One such example was the all-time classic, The Karate Kid.
The main problem with the 2010 remake wasn’t so much the piss-poor dialogue or the far-fetched plot, but it was the lacklustre performances from Will Smith’s little terror and a man we generally like, Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi. The problem is Pat Morita is so iconic and casting Chan just didn’t give this film the credibility it desperately needed. Just no. A million times no.
2) Clash of the Titans (2010)
2010 was a vintage year for shit remakes and the worst of them was undoubtedly Clash of the Titans. Just like Planet of the Apes, this one had potential. Effects back in the day, while having charm, lacked sophistication and a film like Clash of the Titans could have really benefitted from an update with all its Greek Mythology. Annoyingly, we hadn’t accounted for the writing or Sam Worthington.
The screenwriters, for no reason whatsoever, completed changed the original myth and not to any sort of standard either. Sam Worthington was living the high life having lucked out landing his role in Avatar but quickly fell into obscurity following this stiffest of performances. Not even the brilliant Mads Mikkelsen could save festering pile of rot.
1) The Wicker Man (2006)
Not we reach the Holy Grail of terrible remakes and it couldn’t be anything else, could it? The 1973 Wicker Man ranks among one of the best horror films ever made and certainly one of the best British films to ever hit the big screen. It’s creepy, tense and features one of the best endings in movie history. “So why remake it?” we hear you quite justifiably ask. Because Nick Cage, that’s why!
Cards of the table; we love Nick Cage. But there’s a time and a place for the Cage Machine and a remake of The Wicker Man is not it. Directed by Neil LaBute, The Wicker Man 2006, at its best, is a show real for bizarre and hilarious sketches involving the main man. Whether it’s Nic screeching, “Oh, no, not the bees! Not the bees!”, or sprinting towards a woman while wearing a bear suit and punching her in the face, it’s undeniably funny. But The Wicker Man is not meant to be a comedy…