Getting off work for England v Wales
With England facing Wales at a 14:00 kick off on Thursday 16 June, during the working week – you are going to need to find a way out of work. Fortunately for you, those of us here at Average Joes have pooled our collective knowledge in the scientific field of Skivery and have collecting the best potential ways around work and their chances of working. As with life, the greater the risk, the greater the rewards and you really have to go above and beyond in your pursuit of skiving in order to guarantee the time off.
Now of course, this would technically work for any game at EURO2016, but you definitely want to be saving it for the big one right? Technically you still have over a week, so planning time is key!
This is, by far the most honourable route to watch the game. Book time off, eat up some of your holiday allowance, and enjoy the match. We would normally rate this a solid 10 out of 10 for success, but since the fixture has been known for a while, those honest types will most likely already have booked it off. Try this now, but don’t accept the best result.
Success rating: 7.5 / 10
The Advanced Sickie
We judge this to be the most common method that will be used to avoid work on Thursday 16th June. However, we propose a the slightly more devious and likely successful method is to begin the early stages of a feigned illness as of Tuesday – throw in some coughing, spluttering, holding of the guts, and general moaning to co-workers. Then, Wednesday, either call in sick in the morning or skulk off during the day complaining your illness has grown and you have had to book a doctors appointment. Then you can watch the other Group B and A matches on Wednesday ahead of Thursday. Come the big day, you call in sick because, sadly, the symptoms have not abated. Hooray, game day. Since Friday is the subsequent working day, might as well prepare to call in sick then too to maintain the charade and probably continue celebrations. For added effect, we recommend lying upside-down and backwards off a bed, head dangling, to achieve the same results as strained vocal chords when calling your boss.
CAUTION: Work may want a DR’s note. Please find a friendly doctor in advance to help facilitate.
Success rating: 9/10.
Not quite skipping and dodging work as much as it is making the game work for you. If you work in the right environment and have enough conspiratorial colleagues, the best thing you can do is arrange a 3-4 hour meeting to last from, say 1pm until the end of the working day. You can grab lunch, have a few drinks, and watch the match together. Remember to discuss the outcomes of the ‘meeting’, loudly in the office the next day with key buzzwords including ‘thinking outside the box’, ‘really pushed through the boundaries’, ‘collate the action points’ and ‘a hive mind approach to tackling the project’.
Success rating 8/10
Sometimes you just can’t get away from work and you have to sit there at your desk or stand at your counter. It is unavoidable. You are faced with work and missing the game. What can you do? There are a few sneaky methods by which you can still keep abreast and not wholly miss out. Got a tablet? Put that somewhere inconspicuous and stream it live. If you can get that on your computer, even better, but make sure you have a very boring looking spreadsheet to flip back to. We will even provide you with a sample here: Cash Flow Waterfall Example. Don’t forget headphones – if you can’t watch it, you can always run your headphones cable up your sleeves and listen inconspicuously to the commentary.
Lots of options for success here, but beware the consequences can be dire If you get caught, particularly so if you have had an annual leave request turned down.
Success rating 7/10
Although suspect, no employer would deny you your right to seek professional medical assistance with any matter, so feel free to arrange a doctor, dentist or other healthcare appointment for Thursday 16th. You can sort it so it should be finished by the time the game starts, and of course you aren’t close enough to get back to work in time for it to be worthwhile. Do you actually schedule on and go? Only if it is worth it to you. Don’t take your health lightly! You may choose not to actually arrange one. Although, if it is a dentist appointment, be sure to complain the following day about sensitivity and avoid hot or freezing foods for appearances sake. You need to let your boss know asap if this is the case. Should the mention that this coincides with the England game, reassure them that you will be too dazed from local anaesthetics, queuing at a pharmacy or that you honestly hadn’t realised.
Success rating 9/10
Sometimes we just have to drop everything to attend to a matter. Is it a sick family member? Is it a burst drain pipe in your flat? Is it a sick pet? Is it an urgent blood donation requested thanks to your peculiar and rare bloody type? Is a technician coming over to fix something? Do you need to be in for a delivery? All of these can be convenient and handy excuses for not making it in to work when England play Wales on Thursday 16th June.
Success rating 7.5/10
If you really are stuck at work on Thursday morning, the game is about the start in an hour or two and you have very few other options – perhaps you should chuck that hot coffee over yourself. It’d get you out the office, a short trip to A&E (could be quite long depending on waiting times) and then the rest of the day to enjoy the football. Honestly, this really is madness and devotion to your nation’s team. Would you do it? It will work, but at what cost?
Please note: cold coffee which you pretend to be hot may be the safest option!
Success rating 10/10
Nobody likes death. Nobody wants to talk about it. However, you might want to feign a death in the family if you need the time to watch England. This is a really sad option to pick, and you must have excellent acting skills to carry it off for the next few weeks. It also brings the added risk that you may choose to use the option again in the future for another match or for some other event, and you attempt to fictitiously kill off the same person twice. You could also go for a pet which might make you feel less evil.
Success rating 9.5/10
You either don’t go in without saying anything and simply not giving a flying rat’s testicle, or if you are feeling creative on the day, you fake your own death. You probably lose your job as a result of both of these options, and if you pick the latter, you may have to drastically chance your entire existence. However, both are guaranteed to give you time on Thursday 16th June to watch England vs Wales.
Success rating 10/10
There we have it. Our top ways of skiving and avoiding work for England V Wales at the Euros. Don’t forget, 2pm on Thursday 16th June! And whatever you choose, no-one will blame you. THis headteacher has decided to close his school early in Southampton – teachers know best..
Catch the game live on the BBC. Image from UEFA.