Amazons Funniest Reviews
Amazon has somehow wormed its way into becoming the central hub for most online shopping where buyers and owners can rate their products. Hundreds of reviews can go up on each item and these can be recommended by others based on their content. Sometimes these are very useful. I was looking for a new external, portable hard drive and the reviews were very helpful, guiding me away from one or two particular models that looked good on the surface. Sometimes they are not and someone has just commented with one word, often ‘rubbish’. Then you get the creative sorts who post some really great reviews…
Uranium Ore – $39.95
“I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.”
The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee – $11.95
“The effect that this t-shirt has on women is pretty impressive. Unfortunately its natural healing powers reversed my vasectomy and I impregnated nine women in two weeks before I realized. They all had twin boys. Now I have 18 sons and spend most of my money on child support and condoms.”
Zubaz Pants – $34.95
“Stop! Hammer time”
“THE ONLY PANTS I CAN WEAR WITH MY THREE WOLF MOON SHIRT – ALL OTHER PANTS CATCH FLAMES FROM TOO MANY LADIES RUBBING AGAINST.Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, Available in Various Sizes”
Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk – $24.95
“You wouldn’t believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I’m using it right now to post this review and I never”
“Believe it or not, I’m typing this review on my laptop steering wheel desk! As a school bus driver I was never be able to check my email and update facebook while at work. Now I am networking more than ever! I am recommending this product to the school board later this month.”
3B Scientific W43014 Testicle Self Exam Form – $114
“Not only a wonderful teaching model, but while trying to find the tumors, I discovered, it acts as a makeshift stress ball! When I am in line at the grocery store I just whip out this handy little bugger and squeeze away….the line around me just dissapears…what an effective little doo dad!”
Accoutrements Yodelling Pickle – $11.04
“After hearing the music of Nickelback and being highly disappointed, I began a quest to find something better. This item fits the bill perfectly. The yodeling pickle shows much more talent, creativity, and potential than Nichelback ever has, or will, show. SALUTE THE PICKLE!”
A million random digits with 100,000 normal deviates
“Such a terrific reference work! But with so many terrific random digits, it’s a shame they didn’t sort them, to make it easier to find the one you’re looking for.”
Fresh Whole Rabbit
“How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit? (A bunch, trust me on this, a bunch.) All so I can have something to sacrifice on the altar once I get to the cave.
Now, with this, home, fix a cocktail, go through the day’s mail, finish my drink and drive over to the cave, yank this carcass out of the box and offer this at the feet of my dark lord and master, boom, done. I’m happy, my dark lord and master is happy, everybody wins.
What a time saver.”
Relaxman Relaxation Capsule
“One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no bolt on the outside. But I’m handy, so I installed one.
I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed. This really works.”
Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife
Found this stuck into a stone while on vacation. I’m impressed with it, generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.
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